Movie Review: Gingerdead Man (2005), Or The Health Department Should Shut This Down

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This movie is titled Gingerdead Man. GingerDEAD Man. Let that sink in. I just discovered there is a sequel titled, Gingerdead Man Vs. Evil Bong. I am not watching that one. I’m not watching the one called The Passion of the Crust either.

Anyhow, Gary Busey plays the evil Millard Findlemeyer. He shoots some people in a cafe for no real reason. As one does.

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He is later executed for his crimes; his ashes sent to his mother.¬†One of his victims in the cafe, that didn’t die, works in a bakery. Bakerygirl is briefly annoyed over the lack of gingerbread seasoning, when there is a knock on the back door. Oh wonderful! Some completely random not creepy at all stranger in a cloak has dropped off some much needed gingerbread seasoning.

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Totally NOT Gary Busey’s ashes okay.

Bakerygirl doesn’t even think twice about using the mysterious seasoning. It isn’t anthrax or Gary Busey’s ashes, no. This leads me to conclude:

THIS BAKERY NEEDS TO BE SHUT DOWN BY THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT.

You don't decorate a gingerbread man BEFORE baking!

You don’t decorate a gingerbread man BEFORE baking!

Not only do they use the random seasoning, her bakery helper Wrestlingboy, bleeds into the dough. No one seems to notice or care. There are visible streaks of blood in the dough, but Bakerygirl continues to make the most terrible looking gingerbread man in existence. She decorates the cookie BEFORE baking. I think they deserve what is coming to them.

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The making of Gingerdead Man is my favorite part of the movie. Everything else is filler. There is also a scene where another bakery worker has frosting boobs that is somewhat notable.

Mother of god help us.

Mother of god help us.

This movie is not good.

Sprinkles!

Sprinkles!

Gingerdead Man is defeated when Wrestlingboy eats his head. I would have spit him out, seeing as how he is a freakishly gross looking, somehow alive cookie. But Wrestlingboy follows through and actually swallows the head. You have to admire his commitment. For SOME reason he doesn’t feel well after that.

Wait, he was raspberry flavored? That is just wrong.

Wait, he was raspberry flavored? That is just wrong.

Big surprise, the Gingerdead head causes Wrestlingboy to turn evil. His friends completely forget that he was ever a human. They shoot him several times with their magic never-run-out-of-bullets gun then shove him in the oven. I think he explodes.

Cut to the future, everything is great! Wait, some old woman left some cookies for the bake sale.

The eyes are kind of chewy.

The eyes are kind of chewy.

The End. (Don’t eat cookies with googly eyes okay.)

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Wait…how many Gingerdead movies are there?!

Update:

Top 10 things I learned from Gingerdead Man.

  1. It is okay to bleed into the dough.
  2. If you are crowned Miss Prettyface of Waco, you will get stabbed in the skull.
  3. Guns reload themselves and have unlimited bullets.
  4. Wait, no. It is not okay to bleed into the dough. Oh, they used it.
  5. THERE WAS BLOOD IN THE DOUGH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THAT IS GROSS.
  6. Don’t use the dough with the blood in it!! UGH NO. AAAAAH.
  7. If you eat Gingerdead Man’s head, you will get a stomach ache then you will explode.
  8. Workers are more concerned with a pet rat in the bakery, than with BLOOD IN THE DOUGH.
  9. Gingerdead Man uses colorful language. Don’t let children watch this film.
  10. Don’t watch this film.
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